I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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