I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
