I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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