Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Come share oat with me in your robe
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
