I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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