She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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