This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
