Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
