I just saw a hot homeless man
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
