Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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