so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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