Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
