How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
