Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
