all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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