there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
