She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
