So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
