did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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