Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
