he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
