also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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