my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
