no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
