When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
