3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
