did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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