Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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