mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I love you. Go after that dick
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
