You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
