I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Too much gin, very little bucket
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
