the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
