I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
