I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
