i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
