Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
