Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
3 2 1 whiskey
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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