dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
