its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
