I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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