I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
