I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize