hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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