somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize