ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
