chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
