apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize