were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My vagina is very pro this idea
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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