I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
