im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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