well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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