I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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