It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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