Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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