why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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