so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
do nipples grow back?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
