yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My day in three words: secret purse cake
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
