im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
