I wannas sexs uuuuu
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
