I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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