you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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