It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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