How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
only you would photoshop your dick
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
