just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
