i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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