The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just want to make out with him forever
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
